We have reached my favorite part of the Bachelor season. Jake the pilot narrowed down his decision to 4 girls and got to go to their home towns to meet the families. I thoroughly enjoy these episodes because the girls stop saying things like, "I think we have a connection" and start saying things like, "I'm falling for him". There's nothing better than pretend love for the sake of television. It's the American dream.
Due to a rigorous screening process, the home town dates are ususally set in very large expensive homes filled with well-dressed people. I'm always dissapointed that the Bachelor doesn't have to meet a girl's family in a trailer with some random drug addict scratching at the screen door the entire time.
Here's a recap of the 4 home town dates:
-Jake met Gia's family out at a New York City restaurant. Gia's brother Erick gave men everywhere some good news. It turns out that you don't have to put a lot of product in your hair to be on television. Just go the natural route. I'm being sarcastic because this herb had about 40 pounds of Paul Mitchell weighing down his skull. He looked like a 'Blooming Onion'. Erick managed to threaten to break Jake's legs to deter him from breaking Vienna's heart. Erick weighs 106 pounds. Jake followed up this threat by raising his glass and saying "I love this family". Then they all started crying. Gia is an attractive swimsuit model.
- Ali's took Jake to her dead grandmother's house so that Jake could meet her dead grandmother. Ali then professed that her dead grandmother has "accepted" Jake. I am not making that up. More on Ali later...in...what....could......have....been.... THE MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY EVER!!!!!!
- The producers hired a nice fake family of Actors to play Vienna's family. Jake seemed to like them, as was part of the arrangement when he agreed to be the Bachelor. The entire fake home date was a success. Vienna's fake family liked Jake and felt like he was perfect for their fake daughter, who was planted by the producers to appear on the show to make it more interesting. When Vienna's fake Dad cried, I almost fake cried. It was all very dramatic.
- Tenley showed Jake how good she is at ballet dancing. Then she took Jake to her house so she and her family could cry for three hours. Then, after speaking with Jake for 20 minutes, Tenley's dad gave him permission to marry his daughter.
OMG! The Rose Ceremony was so dramatic! Do you want to know why? Because there was no Rose Ceremony! SCREEEEEEAAAAMMM!!!!
Ali's job threatened to fire her if she didn't leave the Bachelor and return to work. She talked it out with Jake for, what turned out to be, the longest 45 minutes of my life. She wanted Jake to give her a sign that she was going to win the game show. Jake is contractually obligated not to tell the girls who he chose until the last day. So, even though she was falling head over heels in love, Ali left the show to go do marketing. It was just like Romeo and Juliet.
Ali left and Jake pretended to be really broken up about it. Then he gathered himself up and gave a rose to three other women, including a swimsuit model.
The drama is killing me, slowly.
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