Vacation Recap

So, I'm sitting in the Dominican Republic Airport, waiting to fly back home after a week of eating, drinking and bastardizing the Spanish language, when the strangest thing happened.With headphones in my ears, I looked up from my book and watched a man from airport security walk up to me from, at least, 200 feet away, past about 40 standing people, past a row of people seated in front of me, to ask me a question.

I took off my headphones to see what he wanted. He asked, "Can I borrow your pen?"I asked my wife, "Do we have a pen?"My wife then retrieved a pen out of her purse and handed it to then security guy. He turned to me and said, "Thank you so much." and then walked away.

A number of questions sprang to my mind:
- Doesn't this airport have any pens?
- Why did he thank me and not my wife?
- Why did he clearly walk past 50 potential pen holders to get to a guy wearing headphones?
- Does he know about the bottles of whiskey in my suitcase?
- Did he need my fingerrpints for a crime investigation?
- Am I going to a Dominican Prison????!!!!!!

I did not end up in a Dominican prison. The guy never came back to bother me or even return the pen and I will spend the rest of my life wondering why he chose to walk past 50 people to steal my Bic.

Anyway, the Dominican Republic was great. Here is a list of highlights:
- We arrived and had our luggage ripped from our hands and placed into 2 separate Minivans. Men who didn't speak English then put 3 of our friends in one van, which drove away, and then abandoned the van the other 3 of us sat in, leaving us to wonder if our families would pay the ransom.About 5 minutes later a friendly man came back to the taxi and procceded to take years off of my life by driving 70 miles an hour in the wrong lane dodging motorcycles, oxen and begging children.If Six Flags ever wants a new ride they should cancel plans for a rollercoaster and install a virtual "Dominican Taxi Ride". There are no rules for Dominican motorists. They're insane. We were told, in all seriousness, that every Sunday is "Drinking and Driving day".

- You immediately feel at home when you drive by a beautiful beach being patrolled by a dozen men wearing raincoats carrying assault rifles on their shoulder.

- If you're at dinner after consuming a heroic amount of alcohol and your wife remarks that her seafood burrito smells funny, think for a minute before you take her plate and hand her yours and then consume a fishy smelling Dominican nightmare. I spent 2 days of my vacation in a bathroom, 7 feet from paradise, wishing I was dead. I lied there repeating,"El piso del bano esta frio." (The bathroom floor is cold.)

- Watching Spain beat Germany in the Euro Championship of Soccer with Spanish play-by-play while drinking a deliscious "El Presidente" beer was a vacation highlight.

- If you ever stay at the Crown Villa resort in Villa E-24, don't walk around in the bushes. We broke about 5 glasses and a couple of bottles and basically just pushed all of the broken glass into the bushes.

- If you're looking to buy sunglasses at a little shop and a Dominican man says "Look around. No pressure.", and then grabs the sunglasses you just tried on and rips the price tag off of them and then tries to jam them into your pocket and says, "500 pesos!"........there's pressure......there's a little pressure there.

- In case you've ever wondered what Dominican pool side entertainment consists of, I'll tell you. Grown men dressed up as Super-heroes thrusting their pelvis in and out to the beat of Techo-Dance music while a Dominican D.J. keeps repeating, "Teesh-Teesh-Teesh-Teesh- Spiderman- Spiderman- Teesh-Teesh-Teesh-Teesh- Party Time- Party Time- Teesh- Teesh - Teesh- Teesh- Where is Mary Jane? Where is Mary Jane?- Teesh-Teesh-Teesh-Teesh."While a small man dressed as Spiderman hangs, suspended from his feet, waiting for a female tourist to come up and kiss him like the scene in the movie.It's a little strange.