Secrets of the Universe

I finished my dinner yesterday and I really wanted to drink a beer.

That's the great thing about being employed. If you're smart enough to go to the store at some time during the week, there will be beer in the fridge for when you get one of those hand shaking "If I don't get a beer in me, I'm going to stab someone" moments.

I realized something. Beer doesn't taste good.

Many people already know this. Some of you read that sentence and said to yourself,"You know, beer does taste awful....I must be completely addicted to alcohol."

Don't get me wrong. I love beer like my mother loved her other children. I'll just never confuse beer for a tasty beverage.I've heard some arguments that beer is actually a great tasting drink. That, "It tastes good when you're older and have a more sophisticated pallet....kind of like broccoli."

Well, broccoli doesn't taste good either. Your mind just realizes that the hoagies and beer you've been shoveling into your face for the last 30 years are going to give you prostate cancer. So, your mind tells your taste buds that, "This broccoli shit is amazing.""Well Greg", you argue. "How come I don't like candy as much as I did when I was younger? Isn't that proof that my pallet got more sophisticated?"

"No", I answer. Candy is still delicious. Your mind is just telling you, "Hey buddy, your skin turns into a topography map of Asia when you eat this shit. Try cutting back on the Caromelos."

"Who the fuck are you?!", you're probably screaming at me right now. "Why the fuck do you have to talk down to me like you've just figured out the meaning of life or something! Why don't you jam an umbrella down your throat and open it.

"Well, that's a valid point. I'm not trying to prove anything. I'm just saying I realize that beer doesn't taste good. I'll even prove it. Everyone knows that babies never lie. They don't know how to lie. So, I'll take a baby and keep feeding it beer. The baby will keep trying to crawl away from the beer because it tastes like asshair. But I'll keep grabbing the baby and pouring beer into it's face.

Eventually, it will get addicted to alcohol and drink it freely.

I love science.

And don't even get me started on Hard Alcohol.
If you try to tell me that Whiskey taste good I'm gonna get angry. It's like drinking Windex. Shots are so bad, you never drink one sober. You have to be completely hammered at a bar and some dude you just met thinks it's a social thing to feed people embalming fluid....and then treats you like a pussy when you tell him 'no' because you have to drive home soon. Don't you love that guy?

Me: "Hey I'd rather not put more alcohol into my blood because I don't want to fall asleep behind the wheel and ram my Hyundai into a Mother of 3 who happens to be night jogging.
That Guy: "Pussy!"

Liquor does not taste good. Don't make me get that baby addicted to Whiskey too!

This blog has no point. I'm not trying to convince you of anything...or to stop drinking. I guess I was just trying to figure out why I now like the taste of carrots and they used to make me dry heave.

Stay in School.