We ate out at Applebees the other night and my wife woke up at 3 o’clock in the morning to throw up Applebees into our toilet. So, I dutifully rushed to her side to hold her hair back as she was passing her insides through her esophagus.
This will really test your relationship because, as she was throwing up, my wife farted on me. The smell could best be described as 'deadly'.
The smell actually wove its way into the fibers of my shirt, like syrup into the divots of a waffle, and I had to go to our other bathroom to throw up. I had to throw the shirt away because Tide has yet to develop a product that would power out that noxious emanation.
They don’t show you the video clip of this happening in those “Every kiss begins with Kay” commercials.
Those commercials always feature two attractive people sitting by a fire, not blasting fire from their ass onto their spouse while emptying their organs into a toilet. I’ll bet they’d sell less diamonds if they showed you what really happens with true love.
Every kiss might begin with Kay, but it ends with your wife's ass turning into a Roman Candle as she shits her pants while making a noise that sounds like someone dragging a cat across a chain link fence.
And Applebees left this out of their advertising as well. I think their slogan should be “Make your wife so sick that she poisons your lungs and makes your shirt unusable with air.”
Instead, they went with “Eating Good in the neighborhood". There should be a disclaimer.