100 Million Dollars

I don't play the lottery, so I'll never have $100 million. Unless, I'm holding a cheeseburger and Albert Haynesworth and I are stranded in a desert. Then I could sell the cheeseburger to him for $100 million. It pays to always have a cheeseburger somewhere on your person.

As sports fans, we're no stranger to these ludicrous deals given to athletes. In tough economic times though, $100 million contracts tend to seem even more absurd.

So instead of being jealous, I'll just dwell on the good things about not having 100 million dollars. Here are the reasons why I'm glad that I'm poor:
- No one wants to talk to me ever.
- When I do my taxes, it takes one sheet of paper. And there's zero chance the government ever knocks on my door to find out how I can afford my couch.
- If I accidentally leave a rake on my front lawn, my neighbors don't grab it and stab themselves in the face so they can sue me.
- I don't have to get a personalized liscense plate.
- When struggling people I've never met can't afford medication for their sick children, they don't think of me with hatred in their hearts.
- I don't have to put up with all of those moody super-models.
- If a strange drunk guy hands me a one hundred dollar bill, I won't be annoyed.
- I'll never have to send out emails to people, asking them to hold onto my fortune because I'm in danger of losing it to my corrupt, foreign government.
- Zero Expectations!!!!!

I hope this list helps you get through these trying times of NFL Free Agency.