Failing the Test

Have you ever wondered how you would perform if pushed?

As man grown man, I often wondered how I would fare if someone came at me in a dark parking lot. Would I panic and throw my wallet at my assailant or show some moxie and put up the dukes? If a crazed German Sheppard came charging out at me in the street, would I run for the nearest car or feed it my left arm and go for the eyes with my right?

Last night, I was set to watch American Idol while recording Canadiens/ Bruins on Versus at the same time. It turns out my wife was also recording the Biggest Loser, so one of the shows had to be missed and I didn't even offer up a whimper.

Basically, I watched two hours of horrible reality television while taping an inevitable two different hours of horrible reality television. I did get even though. After she fell asleep while cuddling on the couch, I lifted the remote control and dropped it on her head. When she woke up, startled, I pretended like it was an accident.

It's all about sacrifices.

If you missed episode 1 of Idol from Arizona I have the highlights:

- They kept showing footage of cacti and sunshine from Phoenix. Sure, citizens of that fine city are happy being warm and comfortable, but they probably get sick of all of that sun. Can you imagine not owning a jacket? I don't even remember what it's like to open my front door and not have my testicles retreat into my body because of sub-zero temperatures. I spent hours blow-drying plastic over my windows this winter so I can stand in my kitchen without getting frostbite. I'd like to thank my ancestors for choosing to settle in an uninhabitable city. They couldn't walk a few hundred miles south?

- The new judge, Kara, is hot but I don't like her very much at all....so I'm guessing she's perfect for the show.

- People always have gimmicks and costumes to make sure they get in front of the camera and to improve their chances of going to Hollywood. There was a plastic chic who auditioned in a bikini and advanced to Hollywood despite a lack of talent. I doubt that she'll go through her entire life and ever face any real adversity. I hope she gets a skin rash and then accidentally falls into a bear trap and dies four days later when nobody hears her cries for help.

- I always feel stupid when one of the contestants starts singing and I think that they sound good, but then the judges rip them apart. I don't have room for this sort of anxiety in my life.

- They rolled out a very nice, blind piano player for the final contestant of the night. No way this dude doesn't make it to the Final Four this season. Who's not voting for the blind guy? "Hi. My name's Ron. I've got a fresh sound. I live out of my van and have dedicated my life to sharing my music with the world." Well, sorry Ron. This guy's blind. I'm voting for him.

- Take a moment to seek out some of the joke contestants from the first night on the web. I usually hate that part of the show, but I was laughing out loud at some of the rejects Tuesday night. The dude with the really deep voice is my new hero.

- Real musicians write their own music and work their entire lives to perfect their craft, not their image. Just a reminder.