Amusement Parks Are Breeding Grounds For Fun

I recently visited one of the Amusement Parks in the Western New York area. Luckily, I brought a pen and pad of paper to keep track of some staggering statistics.

Number of Important Safety announcements coherently communicated by Park Staff over the PA: Zero
Percentage of English-speaking Patrons: 53%
Number of Noticeably Pregnant Women in line to go on a Roller Coaster with a 200-foot drop: One
Number of Couples making love in the Men's room, 15-feet from the Kiddy Rides: One, possibly two.
Number of Band-Aids lying on Park Grounds: Eleven
Percentage of People with Tattoos on their throat: 37%
Percentage of Men pushing strollers who still wished to be alive: 17%
Percentage of People wearing T-shirts with words on them: 96%
Percentage of People with no shirt: 4%
Percentage of People in Park who might be considered attractive: 1%
Number of Patrons urinating while waiting in line for a ride: Three
Number of 2-year olds seemingly left unattended for over 10 minutes while the parents rode the Scrambler: One
Number of times hearing a Ride Attendant yell at kids to get off of the Waiting Line Rails: Countless
Number of Pounds I weigh: 211 lbs.
Number of Pounds guessed by 'Birthday, Age, Weight Game' Guy: 184lbs.
Number of times I walked by a Corn Dog Stand and bought a Corn Dog: Zero
Number of times I felt Regret: Countless